The New People's Champ of Making Parties

I threw myself a party once. It went pretty well. I've arranged birthday happy hours, which involves little more than picking a location and sending an appointment in Outlook, and those went well too. I think it's because of those, um, "events" that my sister decided to turn to me to request a party for her birthday this year. She asked me before Christmas, giving me plenty of time to plan a party for somewhere around March 31st.

Did I mention she wanted it to be a surprise? Yes. She requested a surprise.

If you want great ideas on party decor, planning, and the like, there are many online resources to help you and also make you feel like a loser for not being able to execute all of the fabulous ideas, even when you start planning months in advance. I made a fabulous surprise party for my sister in April, and it was perfect. Not because I implemented all the million+one ideas that I found on the trusty interwebs, but because the end result was beautiful and great fun. I'm pretty sure that is more important than custom appetizer picks and candy buffets with professionally calligraphied (that IS a word) labels.

See my inspiration. I was feeling pretty ambitious.

I wanted flowers in mason jars and candles in big hurricane vases. I wanted to wake up knowing how to make a flower arrangement. I wanted an unlimited budget. I wanted!

I wanted to serve a few cocktails and mocktails. I NEEDED a photo wall and planned to use fabric for the background. And who doesn't want tissue flowers or poofs or lanterns or all of the above?

Other items on my (ideal) party to-do list included: finding a venue that was wheelchair accessible, coming up with activities to give us something to do (some family parties have been a little...stiff), creating the perfect playlist, getting enough indoor seating and tables (a party in Portland in April - using the outdoors is no guarantee), figuring out a way to keep the kids happy, creating and executing the perfect menu, and actually pulling off the surprise!

Here are some pictures of the actual event:

L to R, T to B: flowers and notecards for birthday wishes; buffet; bar tables with more flowers and notecards; and appetizer table with Wii (that didn't get played due to abundant sunshine)

The decor ended up being heavy on the green and light on the blue in spots, and heavy on the blue in others. We ended up not having any pretty pitchers to serve the drinks with. I think we used a regular ole' cooler when we realized we didn't have galvanized drink tubs. The indoor activities were unnecessary because the surprisingly amazing weather drew everyone outside. Lastly, I had way too much food and seating because some party guests weren't able to come.

Look at that face.

But who cares? There is definitely a middle ground between party perfection and something with as much thought and effort as a bad frat party.

The look on her face was worth every moment of planning and every plan gone awry.

We had good food, good music, great friends and family, and lots of laughs. My sister Sarah acted as head chef, and together we made potato salad, collard greens, green salad with beets and blood oranges, spicy coleslaw, carmelized onion dip, and taco dip (I promise its good). My brother-in-law provided delicious pulled pork, and we also had a fancy meats, cheeses, and olive platter.

Liz's friends helped us mix up a pom-lemonade vodka cocktail, and also had beer, sodas, and sparkling water.

It was a freakin' feast.

 
I brought what I thought was enough decorative paper to be a backdrop for the photo wall. It was not. So, no backdrop. And you can see the tape holding up the custom sign I made. Meh, what are you gonna do?

The photo wall was so fun. Those pictures are my favorite from all the party pics!

Aw, mother and daughters! Let's just pretend that my mom's eyes are open. 

Also, did I tell you that the sign is gold because it was Liz's golden birthday? She turned 31 on the 31st (of March).

Here are Liz and some party guests enjoying the day. It was so sunny and beautiful Liz could hardly see. One thing I love about Portlanders is their enthusiam for nice weather. Since most times of the year the sun rarely shines, people waste NO time in moving a party outside on a nice day. Even if that means sitting on the ground, which some people did.

Also, please note the adorable tots. My cousin is showing off her manicure, if that wasn't obvious.


We didn't get any pictures of The Liz Quiz, a trivia game I made up about my sister that I forced everyone to participate in, even my friend's boyfriend who had met Liz for the first time that day. I was quite pleased with myself.

If I do say so myself, I made a pretty badass party. Normal, not ready for a magazine shoot, but badass nonetheless. I am a normal party making champion.

From the archives...

Ready for some more excuses about my long absence again? Here you go -- I was working to get a report out to this group of people you've probably heard of, Congress? Yeah, those people. I was also planning a surprise party for my sister! I can't wait to post lots of pictures, but first, here are some pictures from the archives of my phone. 

What is the imagined use for such a flavored syrup?

The view from the window of my new cubicle. It's huge. It also has a window, obviously. 

The world's largest woman holding a bag of Haribo gummy bears. 

What do you do about cupcakes that are difficult to eat because they have two vertical inches of frosting? If you're my boo, you rip it apart, turn the frosting side upside down, and smash it into the cake. That's what.

Living Room Transformation

In Legos.

I took several training courses at work this week. One of the instructors learned that putting things on the table for people to fiddle with can help (some) people learn. We had legos, among other items. For the first day, I just popped one lego on and off of another. Today, I built a console table with artwork. Cristina contributed a sofa. And then it was on. 

Between the two of us, we made two end tables, a floor lamp, an armchair, a chaise, an ottoman/coffee table, a fireplace, and even a fireplace cleaning tool and an area rug.

Did we learn better as a result of this? Well, we learned something we wouldn't have otherwise known. We learned we can build beautiful living rooms with legos, which I am confident will be of huge value to us in another dimension of the universe. 

House Hunters Orange County

When looking for a house, either for realz or for fakes, do you ever look at the street view of the house's address to get a sense of the neighborhood?

I did that recently, and I came across this lovely gentleman walking his dog.

Oh he is waving, how nice!

 What a friendly man! Oh, but do look closer.

That's not how one waves, Sir.

Don't let that white picket fence fool you. This is a fuckyoukinda neighborhood.

Working on my Fitness: Unpleasant Surprises

I went on a four mile walk today and was all too aware of the revealing tightness of my running pants. As I walked, I felt mostly self-conscious but also slightly excited at the possibility that I might get rapped at again. My stories of being rapped at twice before are getting stale.

One time went something like this - "I got two cups, girl, and a pitcher, girl. And...and...I can't really rap, girl"

You might recall that I started taking short walk/jogs in the mornings after the growing size of my gut caused me to wonder if I might be pregnant. It's going pretty well. I mean, I'm averaging 16 minute miles, which is pretty much swift like a fox.  I'm kinda awesome at walk/jogging.

Look how swift!

You know what is not awesome? Yesterday I looked down and caught a glimpse of my shadow in motion. Holy. Freaking. Shit. Is that MY ass I can see from the front? Is that MY ass that is still bouncing even after my legs have stopped moving? Why yes, yes in fact it is.

There's no way I am literally showing my ass. Let this serve as a visual aid.

Little Korean ladies on their afternoon walks looked away in fear, and Buena Park school children getting off the school bus cried out for their mommies as I walked by. Fashion bloggers appeared to snap my picture and use it as evidence for their campaigns against stretchy pants. I could do nothing but scurry home and get on the scale. Because I must hate myself.

I don't want to have a small butt, but I was just unpleasantly surprised by the jiggle factor. Facebook and Gchat research pointed to compression shorts as a possible solution, but until I get some, I will just have to make peace with my jiggle. And maybe wear sweats.

Oh, Yes They Did! A Story of my For Realzzz Birthday

So, even though I started out all sadcatinastripedshirt-like, my birthday ended up being kind of great. This is mostly due to the wonderful, loving people who spoiled me with love and fabulous things that had me saying, "oh no you didn't! But ohhhh yes you did!"

1. I have a starbucks card, and I am a gold member. As a result, I get free birthday drinks. I got something big and expensive. Holla!
2. I bought myself a cupcake and a fancy root beer. The cupcake wasn't great, but I ate it anyway.

At least it was cute.

3. I got a lot of computer love via facebook.
4. I got a lot of love on the telephone line via phone calls and text messages.
5. My sister sent me a video of my nephew singing me happy birthday.
6. My boo gave me a card that made me cry and hid this present for me in an empty toblerone box:

Those some big, green stones!

7. He also took me out to dinner and let me choose the restaurant. I chose a hipster nightmare called Chapter One: The Modern Local (wtf, right? I had high hopes) in gentrifying Downtown Santa Ana. Worst service ever in life. I think the spray tanned and bedazzled Orange County gods were punishing me for the blasphemous things I said about Pat and Oscar's.  

Special features: ranch dressing snobbery and long wait times after ordering

8. There were birthday cards from friends, a card and giftcard from my brother, and a present from my mama waiting in the mailbox! She sent me a trio of journals and notepads.
9. My life twin took me out to a lunch that included an appetizer, meal, AND dessert and coffee! More is more!
10. And lastly, I arrived home yesterday to find this beauty waiting for me in the kitchen:

Mmhmm, that says what you think it says

Thank you Mom, Dad, and Liz! I am so excited. What should I cook in it first??

There are also a couple late arrival presents on their way, a birthday happy hour with friends, and potential jury duty coming my way. Uh, hello happy belated birthday! Jury duty is what's up. I'm going to walk in and say, "it makes sense for me to be here as I have just turned the page into age 28."

I don't know how to end this post. End.

It's my Birthday, and I'll Cry (Again) if I Want to

Today is my birthday. I woke up to a house filled with balloons. My boo never ceases to amaze me!

What a surprise!

After making my way through the balloons, I poured myself a cup of coffee and grabbed a freshly baked scone to enjoy by the pool. It was cloudy, but I didn't mind.

After some time at the pool, I decided to take a stroll through the gardens with my new puppy. He is already trained in every possible way and his puppy breath smells like whatever snack I am craving at that moment.

"let me guess...chips again?" How does he ALWAYS KNOW?

You get to the gardens through the back door. Obvi.

I decided since it's my birthday, it wouldn't hurt if I was a little late to work. I took Magic Puppy around the property and to the barn so he could do some exploring.

Magic Puppy promised to help keep the green grass green by not peeing on it. He just gets me.

After returning home, I put on an effortlessly chic outfit and headed out the door to work. Since my arrival, I have had one of the most productive work days of my career. Birthdays look good on me!

None of that actually happened. Well, I did wake up. I did get dressed. I did go to work. I feel more like this cat though.

I have that shirt.

Here are my real birthday thoughts, in no particular order:

1. Adele has some nice herr! 
2. A lot of images on pinterest are cutesy-animal related.
3. Top search phrases that lead people to my blog include: double vigina, 27 double vagina, and cheri oteri sexy. I knew vaginas were popular, but double vaginas?? Also, surprised to see Cheri Oteri has a dedicated fanbase of people who find her sexy.
4. After seriously wondering if I was pregnant due to the ever increasing size of my gut, I have started walk-jogging in the mornings. I am sure my whole 15-20 minutes (plus stretching!) will make me into a new woman.
5. How do you feel about the term "value-added"? I kinda hate it. We use it at work a lot. That and "stakeholders". The people who hold the stakes.
6. When I am asked whether I'd prefer Pat and Oscar's or Red Robin for my birthday meal, I want to run from my little corner of North Orange County to almost anywhere else as quickly as possible.
7. My in-laws had a surprise party for me. It was DOPE because I didn't expect it and they made some of my favorite foods. I cried. 
8. On the other hand: in-laws. Challenges remain.
9. Cost Plus World Market has some good shit! I am still thinking about the goods I saw yesterday when I was wandering around waiting for my birthday brunch buzz to wear off. 
10. Seriously? I don't even like Pat and Oscar's.
11. All caps in a work email. How have all people not figured this out yet? I'M NOW SCREAMING AT YOU TO STOP SCREAMING AT ME!