Do You Ever Dream of Candy Coated Raindrops? I DO!

Do y'all love candy as much as I do? I fucking love candy. Kim Kardashian would smell a cavity on me if we ever hugged, I just know it. Sometimes I think I might be six years old. Give me some chicken strips, fries, and some candy for dessert and I'm goooooood. I also love chips, sooooo.

Remember this?

I bought a box of these tiny bags at Target. Now you can pack little tiny candy portions in your lunch!!!Target has all SORTS of candy varieties just waiting to be packed in your lunch, or your children's lunch I suppose. That may not be the greatest idea lest you end up raising a child that is a lot like me as an adult.

I bring two, which is 75 calories worth of pure sugary, chewy, fruity bliss.

Treat yo'self. 

From the archives...

Ready for some more excuses about my long absence again? Here you go -- I was working to get a report out to this group of people you've probably heard of, Congress? Yeah, those people. I was also planning a surprise party for my sister! I can't wait to post lots of pictures, but first, here are some pictures from the archives of my phone. 

What is the imagined use for such a flavored syrup?

The view from the window of my new cubicle. It's huge. It also has a window, obviously. 

The world's largest woman holding a bag of Haribo gummy bears. 

What do you do about cupcakes that are difficult to eat because they have two vertical inches of frosting? If you're my boo, you rip it apart, turn the frosting side upside down, and smash it into the cake. That's what.

Doing Good Work for the American People, Like Taste Tests

Last week, after a 17 minute trip to the post office, my work wife and I set out on a mission of utmost importance--the procurement of snacks, preferably candy from foreign countries.

 This book is actually my autobiography. 

A Google search might lead you to believe that only men have work wives, and women have work husbands (um, yeah right--like I need two of those) but how narrow minded! My cube neighbor is my work wife because she holds me down, just like a good wife should.

Everyone should have a work spouse! Making out optional!

Back to the snacks. My discovery of sour straws from Holland was a huge win, but I also noticed some organic peanut butter cups from the good ole U.S. of A. I picked them up and looked closely at the crisp,white packaging and enticing image of a peanut butter cup almost identical to a classic Reese's. Then I saw the price! Organic AND $2.29? They MUST be delicious! Like the good partner that she is, my work wife grabbed a pack of Reese's and a taste test was declared!

  Justin, I find your packaging and outrageous price verrry appealing

We immediately scurried to our cubicles where she delicately opened both packages. We cleaned our palates and took a bite. And some sniffs. First,  that unmistakable creamy chocolate and melty peanut buttery taste of the Reese's. Pretty much perfection. Next was Justin's organic version...bleck! I almost couldn't eat it all except of course I did! Two out of two work wives agreed - waxy chocolate, lacking in flavor,  and nearly devoid of any peanut taste. Even the color paled in comparison to the Reese's. Before you go telling me that the Reese's is probably pumped full of food coloring, let me tell you that we checked, and you are wrong!

 What is in there, nail filings blended with sawdust chips?

Sorry pricy, organic option. I just can't go to bat for you this time.