Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby - Ashanti, 2002

Hello and sorry again for my absence! Papa's like a rollin' stone, you know?

So here's some news. I'm pregnant! 27 weeks and 5 days, to be exact, which means I'm headed into the third trimester. (Or I'm already there, depending on who you ask.) Today at my special ultrasound appointment (more on special ultrasounds later), baby girl's estimated weight was 2 pounds 12 ounces. And her car seat was delivered. Shit's getting really real!

I decided to come back and share what I've learned about maternity clothes so far, and heartburn. I've learned a lot about heartburn. In particular, I plan to review some H&M and Asos items because their websites don't include reviews and the google search results on their items were pretty sparse when I checked.

First, some lessons and tips for the newly pregnant mama from this first-time only 2/3rds of the way there pregnant mama. (So, an expert.)

1. Hold your horses.
You probably won't need maternity clothes for quite awhile, to the point where all the cute stuff you first pinned is on clearance but not available in your size, is no longer appropriate for the weather, or isn't available at all. Go ahead and buy it right away if it makes you happy, but picking a size will be kind of a guessing game. It's hard to say how much weight you'll gain and how quickly, not to mention how you'll carry. (I did buy two maternity items right away that were on super clearance at Target, including a $10 dress that I wear alllllll the time. So I guess I'm advising that you don't spend a bunch of money on a new maternity wardrobe until later.)

2. Make it werrrrk.
Depending on what's already in your closet, lots of your pre-pregnancy clothes can work well into your second trimester if not all the way to your third. (Again, depending on how much weight you gain, how quickly, and how you're carrying that bump.) I regularly wear cardigans and button downs, open of course, over my basic maternity shirts and dresses. Stretchy skirts and dresses will last you quite awhile before they start pushing uncomfortably on your bump, and a jersey maxi dress will work for a long, long time. Long tees and tanks are great if you already have them. I still wear a bootcut pair of pre-pregnancy jeans and just use the hair tie trick to keep them closed. (I bought a belly band but didn't like it. Some people swear by them.) If you happen to have any larger clothes hanging around, perhaps from a period when you were a little heavier than right before you got pregnant, those will be helpful. I once bought a suiting dress from J. Crew in a size too big because it was on mega-clearance. I thought about tailoring it but never did, and I ended up wearing it for all my work travel and a special occasion when I was like 24 weeks.

3. Black is the new black.
Once you start buying maternity stuff, save money by getting versatile pieces in basic colors. Black, white, and grey are good options. It sounds boring, but you can layer pieces from your pre-pregnancy wardrobe (see above) or use accessories like jewelry and scarves to make your outfits more interesting.

4. Bras. You'll need bras.
Your boobs are going to get bigger. Probably way bigger. You'll need to make periodic bra purchases throughout your pregnancy, and do yourself a favor and make at least a couple of those soft, stretchy bras. I've only purchased two new bras so far because I'm cheap, and I got a hand-me-down from my sister. (Also I've been working from home so don't have to wear a regular bra every day. More o that later too.) Sometimes I see good deals and want to go for them, but then I realize that I really have no idea just how big these suckers are going to get, especially once my milk comes in. Just take it one new bra size at a time.

5. Maternity underwear and PJs might be a scam.
So far my pre-pregnancy lounge pants, yoga pants, and leggings are working just fine. My PJ shirts are getting a little short, so I'll probably have to start wearing maternity shirts to bed soon. Or just let the bump hang out, whatevs. I got a pack of cotton briefs from Target in one size up and those are working great for my underwear. I'll see if that changes in the 3rd trimester and report back.

6. Oh, and so long thongs.
Once pantyliners become a necessity, and they will, your thong days are probably over. This is why I bought the pack of briefs.

7. Don't eat tums.
Not clothing related, but if you get nasty heartburn like many pregnant ladies, mix a teaspoon or two of raw apple cider vinegar with water and force it down. (No lie, it's gross.) I had been eating antacids every day when my sister informed me that they can actually make the heartburn worse over time. There is some science behind that that you can google if you must, but just trust me.

More on how I've built my maternity wardrobe and reviews coming next.

Summer Shopping on the Cheap(ish)

I love to shop, specifically for good deals. Stores like Nordstrom Rack are my playground. I can stay for hours! But, with this whole trying to save money business, those frequent Marshalls or Rack trips are gone.

I decided to allow myself $100 or less for some summer basics that are versatile, easy to mix and match. After taking stock of what's already in my closet, I made a very crude moodboard and got to ordering.

Old Navy T-Shirt Dress (Tall)

This dress has pretty good reviews, comes in tall sizes, and was under $20 with a promotion. I ordered a Tall medium and Tall large. The medium fit well but was fitted enough that it was a little sexy and required I be more mindful of my undergarment choice. I wanted something more casual, so I went with the large. After a couple hours of wear, it stretched out so much I was embarrassed to be wearing it in public. I hope it shrinks in the wash. (PS: There was also a bodycon version of the dress, but I'm not sure if it's still available)

Old Navy Linen Blend Shirt (Tall)

I got this because it looked comfortable for the hot summer and work appropriate. I always forget how long Old Navy shirts are in Tall. I'm 5'11" and most of my height comes from my legs, so most regular sizes are long enough in the torso for me. Sleeve length, dress/skirt length, and inseams are where I require tall sizes. Anyway, in a Tall medium the shirt was tunic length, which wasn't what I was looking for.

Array of Old Navy and Gap denim shorts

Oh, the shorts! I ordered six pairs of shorts, at least. I got different styles, washes, and sizes, but I had my heart set on the Gap boyfriend shorts. I was going for the 90s throwback light wash, a color that inspired a look of disgust from my husband. Turns out, I'm too curvy for boyfriend shorts. In my regular size, the thighs were tighter than I wanted, and when I went up a size, the shorts were just too big overall and made me look kind of huge.

I went with these Old Navy boyfriend shorts in my normal size, ultramarine wash. The inseam is a little short (3 1/2 inches, no clear difference between the Tall and regular sizes) and the thighs slightly fitted, but they got a thumbs up from the husband and are comfortable enough, especially for $20. 

Target Maxi Dresses

I started with the black and white dress, which I loved. However, I went with the black dress because it's easier to wear. It doesn't show off your body's imperfections as much and, like the large ON dress, has less specific undergarment requirements. It was $20 with an apparel coupon on the Cartwheel app. Both dresses are plenty long for wearing with flat sandals.

I also ordered some sandals and a pair of Keds from Nordstrom using a giftcard but they haven't arrived yet. Not to mention a J Crew order due to an untimely return of some work clothes I ordered in the Spring that left me with store credit instead of a refund.

When 21 Days Becomes 26 Tasks: Crap Cleaning Challenge

So, the point of these challenges is to do one task per day, right? Well, I'm failing that part miserably. Do people quit their jobs and neglect their other responsibilities during these things??

I also have to break down some of the existing tasks, so this will probably be a 30 day challenge after all.

The update, broken out tasks in italic:

1. Linen cabinet - top
2. Linen cabinet - bottom 
3. Craft cabinet
4. Under kitchen sink
5. Under bathroom sink
6. Freezer 
7. Refrigerator 
8. Mail/Paperwork
9. Mail counter
10. Bedroom closet – clothes 
11. Bedroom closet – drawers
12. Bedroom closet - bookshelf
13. Bedroom closet - shoe storage
14. Bedroom closet - misc storage
15. Utensil drawers 
16. Baking and spice cabinets
17. Dishware cabinet
18. Pots and Pans
19. Hall closet 
20. Medicine cabinet/storage
21. Media stand
22. Under bed
23. Handbag 
24. Work bag
25. Car 
26. Balcony closet

 Who knows how long it will take me to do these 26 things? We shall see.

How I'm Trimming My Grocery Bill

Before I started OperationGet Shit Together, I think I was spending around $500 a month on groceries, maybe more. We were also eating out a lot, either because I bought food all willy-nilly and couldn't actually make many meals out of it or because I didn't end up cooking, letting the food go to waste.

Now I'm spending about $400 a month and we are rarely eating out for lunch or dinner. We have probably spent that savings on date nights, but I am 100 percent okay with that.

I was feeling good about myself until i found bloggers who only spend $40 a week for 2 people or even $200 for a family of four. Impressive, until I noticed that people were achieving that kind of savings by getting all their toiletries at the dollar store, cutting out things like alcohol, cheese, and bacon and replacing butter with margerine. You gotta do what you gotta do to make ends meet, but things will have to be unimaginably grim before I allow margerine to pass through these doors.

If you want to trim your bill even just a little, a couple simple steps will help.

1. Meal plan based on what's on sale. Check weekly ads for your favorite stores, take stock of what's on hand at home, and plan meals accordingly. Pro tip: plan meals with like ingredients. Something call for 1/2 cup buttermilk? You will have a lot leftover. Make a salad/slaw dressing with it, buttermilk pancakes for breakfast for dinner, buttermilk chicken. Better yet, make your own buttermilk. You get the point.

2. Throw a coupon in when you can, and/or take advantage of double ad days if available. A lot of coupons are for crap I am not interested in, but organic brands sometimes offer them if you sign up for their newsletters, and my local natural food store has a monthly coupon booklet.

3. Cook what you buy! This might require meal prep days, depending on your schedule. Make friends with your slow cooker, whatever you need to do so it doesnt go to waste.

4. Eat leftovers for lunch.

5. Get some low cost recipes in your repetoire. Shredded meats are your friend. E.G. - pork shoulder on sale? get 2-3 pounds and cook it low and slow and use the meat for tacos, sandwiches, over mashed potatoes, on nachos, on homemade pizza.

6. Stock up when prices are way low. Get your freezer in on the action.

7. Cook from scratch as much as you can. jarred sauces, packaged cookies, and the like will quickly drive up your bill

Number 1 is the first step, I think. I check the ads, put together my meal plan, and make my list on Saturdays.

I still buy organic cheese, sour cream, yogurt, and high quality butter. We still have beer or wine in the fridge. I go organic with meat as often as I can or go to a local grocer whose meat is not technically organic but is raised in the area without antibiotics or hormones. I buy mostly organic fruits and vegetables. and so on. Point is, we eat in much the same way as we did before but still manage to save some money.

Eat well, enjoy your food, and save a buck.

21 Day Challenge: Crap That's Been Cleaned

Remember when I said I already cleaned out some of the items on my crap cleaning challenge list? Here is photographic proof, mostly in the form of before shots. So, photographic proof of what a shitstorm it was.

 

Above you will find my hall closet, looking so messy and gross, and the contents of my hall closet after I pulled everything out. 

That's what I threw out, plus some give-away stuff not pictured, and I had a stack of equal size or bigger that actually belonged in other areas of the house, like four handbags! I also cleaned out the handbags and scored 3 lipglosses and 8 hairties, at least.

From my bedroom closet, I cleared out a stack of clothes that I don't wear anymore but decided to keep anyway and a couple bags of give-away items. The clothes I'm keeping are nice quality that maybe I'll be able to fit again someday or might want to give to someone. (Every time I buy something on ebay, I think back to the clothes I used to have that I wish I'd kept.) Those clothes were put into an underbed storage container, which of course I had to clean out first.

Now to finish my challenge, make another one for actually organizing all the stuff, and then allow myself to even think about starting some of the other projects looming over my head.

21 Day Crap Cleaning Challenge

Achieving results, y'all (via Forbes, who else)

I’m still doing a decent job of cooking regularly, planning meals and using coupons to save money where I can, and exercising more than I had been (which was not at all, so that’s like an easy A.)

Now I really have to get serious about organizing the apartment because even when it's clean, it still feels like a huge mess. I’m going to have to do this in phases and eventually totally reconfigure how we use our storage. 

I am getting serious, Jermaine!

First up, I have to get rid of all the extra crap. I thought one of those 21-day or some other number of days challenges would help, but I had to customize my own because nothing I found made sense for our space. For example, I don’t have a laundry room, or the luxury of devoting an entire cabinet to Tupperware.

Behold, my 21-day challenge crap cleaning challenge:

1.    Linen cabinet

2.    Craft cabinet

3.    Under kitchen sink

4.    Under bathroom sink

5.    Freezer

6.    Refrigerator

7.    Mail/Paperwork

8.    Bedroom closet – clothes

9.    Bedroom closet – drawers and shelves

10.  Utensil drawers

11.  Baking and spice cabinets

12.  Dishware cabinet

13.  Pots and Pans

14.  Hall closet

15.  Medicine cabinet/storage

16.  Media stand

17.  Under bed

18.  Handbag

19.  Work bag

20.  Car

21.  Balcony closet

Except I’ve already done four of these, so I guess it’s my 17-day crap cleaning challenge? And do I have to do this in order? I don’t want to. This is my customized challenge, so I say no!

After I clean everything out, I will devise a system for organizing what’s left. You know I’m already on my Pinterest game for this one.

Getting it Together: Baby Steps

If you don't know what this is, get out. Or google "Perfect Strangers"

Hey, strangers. How you been?

I'm not going to bother trying to explain why I disappeared or what I've been up to since then because it's not even that interesting. I'll just start from today. (Also not that interesting, but hey.)

What I'm trying to do now is get my shit together in, like, every facet of my life. There are a lot of things that don't come easily to me - like organization, tidiness, and general having-it-togetherness - but I am basically going to try to force myself to change that and become someone I'm not! Starting off with a healthy perspective is so important.

Here's what I'm trying to do:

1. Get our expenses under control
2. Cook more, eat out less
3. Pack lunches
4. Use what I have, waste less
5. Keep the house clean
6. Keep the house organized
7. Exercise at least somewhat regularly

(Yes, at the age of 30, my goals essentially boil down to just living like an actual adult.) Some of those kind of go together, and several of them have sub-goals that fall underneath. For example, a sub-goal relating to numbers 1 and 7 is to stop driving to work, that way I won't have parking expenses, and I'll be doing some walking as part of my train commute.

Some of those can also work directly against each other on days when it feels like there just isn't enough time to do it all. If making time for exercise comes at the expense of cooking dinner, but we end up eating crappy fast food because it's cheap, what good is any of that? No good. So far I've done a pretty good job handling those kinds of roadblocks, but damn, it's hard.

What I do after a day of ass kicking and goal achieving

I'm doing pretty well with our expenses, cooking, packing lunches, and wasting less. (Except for Milkgate 2014, but that's a story for another time.) I'm doing alright with the exercise. The clear loser in this situation is the cleaning and organization. I want to get better at that and add some new goals into the mix eventually, like learning to sew, learning to take good pictures, talking with long-distance family and friends more often, planting a little balcony garden, and completing some lingering projects around the apartment. But let's not lose our minds here.

Baby steps.

From the Frontlines of the War on Crap Disguised as Food

I've already admitted to liking my fair share of crappy food. I eat junk food and go to McDonald's sometimes. Yeah, I said it! But I also try to incorporate organic products when possible and when (I think) it really matters. I follow the "Dirty Dozen" list, for example. Even when I don't buy organic, I at least prefer to get food that is actually food. These preferences can result in higher food costs. Higher than exclusive Whole Foods shoppers' bills? No, but definitely higher than my frugal boo would like.

Boo prefers shopping at places like Superior Grocers, a local chain with super low produce prices and several lines of crap, er, products that are also super low in price. In my opinion, some of these things are actually overpriced because they aren't really even food.

Superior Grocers: Purveyor of Fine Foods, like Sugar Water and Salt Covered Chemicals

Juice is the bloodiest battleground in my house. Sometimes my boo comes home boasting of the incredible deal he got on "juice" which is really just sugar water. I tell him I can make some sugar water for free, artificial color included, with what's in the pantry. Nevertheless, I decided to go to Superior on Monday to try to do the boo a solid and save us some money. That is when I found this:

Bottom center, look closely

CONTAINS NO JUICE. NONE. APPLE ARTIFICIALLY FLAVORED DRINK! Line your kids up, everybody! We've got apple flavored drink for sale!

Update on Those Bloody Shelves

They are finally up.

Where was our drill? We still don't know, but we borrowed one from my boo's brother. We didn't have the right bit to drill through the bracket so we could have holes that matched up with the studs. Improvisation was required.

Then, after we were finished, he found the correct bit in a bag.

The shelves look nice I guess, but one is about six inches farther to the left than I wanted it to be. I measured where I wanted them to go before I found the studs, and then once the studs were found, things got wonky real fast. Oh well.

This is my only real concern.

Are all my beautiful vintage cocktail glasses going to slide off and crash to the ground?

The Tale of Everything Becomes Annoying

Alternate titles* - The Tale of When Romance Helps with Rocky Moments, Except That Those Moments Make it Difficult to Generate Romance and The Tale of These Bloody Shelves. Pick your angle. Choose your own adventure.

Sometimes being in a committed relationship is like torture, only it's torture that you signed up for. Some of us even spent years longing for it and thousands upon thousands of dollars celebrating it. But you better believe most of us didn't see shit like this coming.

Am I talking finances?

Am I talking about matters in the bedroom?

Am I talking about trust issues?

No, worse. I'm talking about my boo's inability to buy a freaking stud-finder when he says he will. Stick with me. There's a lot to go over.

if it wasn't clear, the gorilla is me.

Sunday evening - After many, MANY sweaty hours of working on some of my projects, I sat down to eat some dinner with boo. I desperately needed a shower, and it was getting late, so he offered to go to Home Depot for me to get the screws and a stud-finder for hanging the bloody shelves I bought from Ikea.  I read one too many horror stories about these shelves ripping out of people's walls, even when they used real bad-ass screws, because they hadn't screwed into studs. It was important to me that we find studs.  I made this very clear to him. Very clear.

Approximately 30 minutes later he returns. He says he's found just the thing. I say, great! With these screws and the studs we should be in business! He says, I didn't get the stud-finder.

HE DIDN'T GET THE STUD-FINDER.

I'll get it tomorrow, he says. He works next to a Home Depot, so this should be easy. It should take all of ten minutes.

Monday after work- I'm running approximately 8,000 errands while he is doing things like going for a freaking jog and nerding out to photoshop tutorials on youtube. I'd like him to find studs during this time, but he can't. And why can't he?

BECAUSE HE DIDN'T GET THE STUD-FINDER.

He forgot. So, that became errand 8,001 for me.

I finally got home at 8:15, one hour before I needed to get in bed, only to find that he hadn't thought to vacuum our horribly gross carpets before his mom's visit. (She stays over every other Monday.) He also hadn't thought to read my mind to know that he should do it.

Instead of screaming, “WHY DIDN’T YOU RUN THE FREAKIN’ VACUUM”, I managed to say “oh no, the carpets are so dirty! We need to vacuum before your mom comes”

He said it was okay, I said it wasn’t, he volunteered to do it. I sat in the bedroom eating gummy bears so as not to criticize him for not vacuuming to my liking.

Tuesday  - the shelves were not even close to being up, and the idea of getting dinner made and cleaned up AND putting up shelves made me feel stabby. That's when I remembered this -

My boo says, on multiple occasions, “I can help you with dinner so you don’t have to do everything yourself”

It occurred to me that if he helped my slow-ass with dinner, we could get to the shelf business a little faster.

I say, I need to ask you for help with dinner tonight.
My boo says, sure, I can help after my run.

AFTER HIS RUN?!

I just can't even. Before I even got a chance to post this last night, we realized we don't have the right kind of mothafuckin battery for the mothafuckin stud-finder. I do recall that several months ago I came upon some of these batteries on clearance, only for my boo to proclaim "when will we ever need those?"

The time is now, it seems.


*a thousand thanks to my friend Cristina for input and title ideas!

Do You Ever Dream of Candy Coated Raindrops? I DO!

Do y'all love candy as much as I do? I fucking love candy. Kim Kardashian would smell a cavity on me if we ever hugged, I just know it. Sometimes I think I might be six years old. Give me some chicken strips, fries, and some candy for dessert and I'm goooooood. I also love chips, sooooo.

Remember this?

I bought a box of these tiny bags at Target. Now you can pack little tiny candy portions in your lunch!!!Target has all SORTS of candy varieties just waiting to be packed in your lunch, or your children's lunch I suppose. That may not be the greatest idea lest you end up raising a child that is a lot like me as an adult.

I bring two, which is 75 calories worth of pure sugary, chewy, fruity bliss.

Treat yo'self. 

IKEA Survival Tips

I lost my blogging momentum. AGAIN! I hear blogs are dead, so it probably doesn't matter much anway.

I'm having friends over next Saturday which has prompted me to (attempt to) complete many, many little projects around this apartment. One of which required a trip to IKEA. If you've ever been to IKEA, you know it can be a unique and strange hell on earth. Here are some tips for getting through it alive and with your personal relationships in tact.

That door is like a mouth, ready to eat you. via ikea.com

1. If possible, go alone. 
If you don't really need help, go by yourself. Don't take your children if you can help it. You can move more quickly and don't have to worry about the potential fatigue, hunger, irritability, or generally otherwise unpleasantness of your companions.

1a. If you do go with other people, don't feel obligated to stick together.  Unless the other people are children.
This is especially true if you and the people in your group shop at different paces. Make a loose plan about when/where you will meet up periodically and/or keep your phones on you with the volume on if you need to call and find each other. Large groups move at a glacier pace, irritating themselves and everyone around them.

2. Eat first. 

50 cents to save your life

I swear, even if you ate at home, grab one of those 50 cent hot dogs BEFORE you shop. It may be located by the exit, but you can just cut over and grab one and then go back inside. This way, you will avoid becoming one of those people slowly floating around in some sort of hot-dog deprived, low blood sugar fog, running into people at every turn. (See number three below)

3. Watch where you are going! (Also known as, stop and look at the roses)
It seems like you should be able to walk at a leisurely pace while browsing the selections, but this is simply not reality at IKEA. You will bump into people. Other people will bump into you. I like to pick a little out of the way corner, stop, look around and survey the scene, and then walk over to particular items that look good to me. If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.

4. Skip the showroom

Here is where you get to business.

If you are going to IKEA for a specific item, go straight to it. If it's furniture, just make sure you know everything you need to know before you get there. (See number six below) If you do need to go through the showroom, try to stay focused. Save your energy for the actual reason(s) you're there.

5. Go rogue
Yesterday the aisles were packed with people. Large families mostly, and tons of children. Everywheres. In most spots, the areas where furniture and other items were on display were pretty empty. I skipped the aisles and walked through the display areas. Much easier. When I got to the marketplace area, I went against the flow of people and started at the end. People tend to follow each other, and if you break from the masses, you'll have more space to yourself to look around.

6. Be willing to accept the consequences of shopping at IKEA in the first place
IKEA products notoriously lack specific instructions, and all it takes is a quick google of "IKEA fail" to see that assembling and installing IKEA pieces can be a disaster. For example, I thought I had done plenty of research on the Lack floating shelves. One thing I didn't research was the best way to hang them or the required screws and such so they don't come crashing down. Of course IKEA does not provide the screws as there are all different kinds of walls requiring different screws! Of course! Wouldn't it have been nice if this had occurred to me yesterday? If you have your eye on a particular item, get Google's take before you buy. If you make an impulse purchase, be ready for it to be a more involved project than you realized.

A strong but understandable stance

If your trip is still a disaster after taking my advice, you can join the band* of people who've determined IKEA to be satan.



*they are, in fact, a band. as in one that plays satanic and bluesy music. they might not actually consider IKEA to be satan. learn about them and see original pic courtesy of the Icelandic Music Mafia. My ability to link disappeared halfway through this post so go to http://icelandicmusicmaffia.blogspot.com/2011/03/music-alliance-pact-map-30-march-2011_15.html.  Furniture pick-up area pic from here http://phoenix.about.com/od/shoppingandservices/ss/IKEA_9.htm

It's the Freakin' Weekend - Make Yourself a Drink

Summer is almost over! (Don't you dare tell me that it's already over because it's after Labor Day and kids are back in school. Don't you dare!)

 Before summer is actually gone, you should take an opportunity to enjoy its bounty. By that I mean, you should take some summer fruit and mix it with ice and alcohol before it is too cold and too cost prohibitive to do so.

Skills, I like to think I has them.

While in Miami, I felt like it was only natural that I drink copious amounts of rum-based beverages. I also insisted on stocking the condo with fruit, less because I was feeling health conscious and more because it seemed like the right thing to do in such a tropical environment. The rum and fruit came together with mint in a glorious union known as the mojito. I made classic mojitos, strawberry mojitos, and watermelon mojitos.(See above photo, obvi) I suggest you make some tonight, and if you don't know how, you're 'bout to know.

I have this sitting on my vanity. I don't do yoga. Get yours here.

First you will need to make a simple syrup. If you want to get fancy with some sort of flavor-infused simple syrup, please, go nuts. I am going to put the simple in simple syrup. It's basically one part water to one part sugar, brought to a boil until the sugar dissolves and then cooled. It keeps for awhile, so if you make too much, do not worry. This will give you a reason to make more drinks over the coming weeks. In fact, make too much.

Muddle 1.5 ounces of simple syrup in a glass with a whole mess of mint leaves and a wedge of lime. I don't have a muddler so I use a spoon. Muddle the shit out of that mint, lime, and syrup.Some recipes will tell you to use the juice of the lime, but all sorts of delicious lime flavors comes out of the rind as you muddle. Use the wedge.

I leave all the bits in, though they do get in the way, so if you must, take out the lime wedge. Then add 2 ounces of clear rum and a generous splash of club soda. Ice too. Mix and serve. To make the flavored kind, add some strawberry slices or scoops of watermelon (or whatever fruit you want to use. probably not apples, though) to the muddling step.

I'm so vain I thought this post was about me and not the drinks.

That's it! Easy! Go get drunk!