Teach Me How to Minimum Day

It has been over a month since I blogged. OVER A MONTH!! You know what I was doing? I was doing bullshit things like working million hour days, crying, complaining, eating copious amounts of crap just to stay awake, and being in a generally terrible mood. Blog ideas entered my mind here and there, but I could never find the time or summon the energy to actually write a post.

could, however, summon the energy to do this.

I have wanted to write a minimum day tutorial for awhile now. I wanted to do it in real time, as I live a minimum day. When I say a minimum day, I mean a day when one does absolutely nothing productive. You don't cook, clean, organize, do any work, send useful emails, read useful emails, make plans, make lists, pay bills, run errands...none of that. I can't take credit for the idea; I got it from a book.

My sister instructed me to give the idea a try when I was incredibly stressed out balancing work and home obligations. Maybe at the time I was still in grad school also, but maybe not. I have to be honest. I get stressed reallllllly easily. The list of all the things one does not do on a minimum day gave me twinges of stress in my chest. In fact, I'm feeling them right now as I type about how I was feeling them.

This is just going to be a minimum day introduction. I already listed what you should not do, and if you are to read that book you can learn what it is really supposed to be. Instead, though, I am just going to walk you through my take on minimum days.

1. Wake up at whatever time you want. Want to get up early? Get up early. Feel like sleeping in? Do it. Whatever you want.

2. Stay in your PJs, or something comfortable. If you're the type that likes to wear a bra, by all means, wear one. I prefer to stay in my pajamas, loosey goosey.

Here I am. Just hangin' in my jammies.

3. Turn on the TV. The crappier the show, the better (in my experience).

4. Drink some coffee.

5. Keep watching TV.

6. Eat something. Today I actually ate yogurt and granola, but sometimes my minimum day meals include ice cream for breakfast, kettle corn for lunch, and a lot of cheez-its.

7. Chat on the phone with your BFFs.

HAHA! Girrrrl, you say the craziest things!

8. Go on facebook or other sites of your choice. A LOT.

9. THAT'S IT. DO THAT ALLLLLLLLLLL DAY! I suppose you could read, listen to music, take a bubble bath or something, or do one of your "hobbies." Unless one of your hobbies makes you feel all accomplished and productive. That is NOT the point of a minimum day.

All of this is done from the couch. Or maybe your bed, if that's how you roll.

P.S. While searching the interwebs for images for this post, I saw a picture of myself from here! Page 4 of my google image search result. I'm freakin' famous! A famous blog writer!

P.P.S. When I changed my search from "minimum day" to "lazy saturday," I got all these pictures of other blog writers showing what their "lazy saturday" outfits are. There were dresses, accessories, and makeup involved. LIARS!

Love Songs: Dolla Dolla Bill

Sometimes love songs aren't about love, per se. To illustrate, please enjoy C.R.E.A.M., an ode to dollar bills and the control they exert over everything around us.

Wu-Tang Clan C.R.E.A.M. from Funkyunk Hip Hop Mexico on Vimeo.

I chose this song because yesterday I babysat to earn some extra dollar bills. I will use these dollar bills to buy a pencil skirt I've been coveting. I look bangin in it. Don't knock my hustle!

Dear Oregon - Take Some More Californians, Please

I fear my safe-distance driving has made it more difficult to fully appreciate what is going on here. All up in front of me are cars, a sea of automobiles, with brilliant red break lights cutting through the grey morning sky. It's 6:15 a.m.

I wonder what time I would have to leave my house to make it to the office in less than 50 minutes? I live about 23ish miles away from the office, about 21 of those miles are freeway miles. I think probably before the 6:00 hour might do it. 5:55 perhaps??

To the good people of Oregon, I guarantee you not everyone is leaving California to infiltrate your great state. If everyone was, I could get to work a lot faster.

Love,
Kelly

To-do list? To DONE!

Do you like making lists? I think I should take a note from Cristina of The Frankenstein House and make more "this is like that" lists rather than to-do lists full of stupid shit I never get done. There is probably a much longer post in my future about how I fancy myself a do-it-yourselfer, or at least a makeshift apprentice of actual do-it-yourselfers I admire so much. Really though, my computer, phone, journal, and any and all scraps of paper in my house are filled with things I think I should do or at one point even wanted to do. Like buying frames for the prints I bought on my birthday. My birthday is in February. Today is August 7th.

I almost made another useless list today, but instead I think I will make a list of all the wonderful things I did that wouldn't have made it to the to-do list. Because I actually had quite a lovely day.

1. Skipped church
2. Read some awesome blog entries via blogher
3. Talked to my beautiful sister on the phone
4. Filed my jagged nails
5. Made the bed with fresh linens
6. Washed the dishes
7. Wrote a blog entry
8. Wrote a long, therapeutic potential blog entry
9. Uploaded long overdue pictures on facebook
10. Watched TV my boo doesn't approve of
11. Washed clothes for the week, towels, pillowcases, and even the covers for the couch throw pillows
12. Watched a movie
13. Listened to Drake, Nicki, and Kanye. Yes, we call each other by our first names. Actually, they call me K Lip like most close personal friends.
14. Watched half of a lifetime movie
15. Packed my lunch for tomorrow
16. Tidied my room and closet
17. Washed my hair
18. Searched for and found recipes I'd like to try
19. Wrote this blog entry

I started the day intending to get a lot of work done. I have this spreadsheet at work that's killing me, and I wanted to finish it. However, I chose to enjoy myself instead and am working hard to ignore the knot in my stomach that is trying to tell me LIES. It is a LIE that I should spend my Sunday finishing a spreadsheet. I will wake up crazy early tomorrow to get a jump on the day as a result, but for the rest of today (my today ends in about 45 minutes) I am happy to have accomplished 19 verrrrrry important to-dos.

Goats at Work

At least somebody has a job! And according to the Occupational Outlook, employment of Goat Environmental Land Managers is projected to grow much faster than the average through 2018, at which point the Green/Sustainability trend is expected to die a painful death. Then, Goat Environmental Land Managers will follow suit and possibly end up on your dinner table. Chivo is served!

Big Night Out

Out until 9:00 on a Thursday?! You better believe it!

Tonight my boo and I crossed the city line into Fullerton to fill our bellies to capacity with farmer's market fare. The Downtown Fullerton Farmer's Market is --

Boo says hi.

-- Pardon that interruption. The farmer's market is every Thursday evening and features a lot of greasy cuisine, a beer and wine garden, and live music that inspires plenty of White Lady (and Man) wiggle dancing.

these ladies don't exactly look like the typical OC lady, but can't you just picture it? Can't you JUST?

Also white kid wiggle dancing. I wish I could have taken a picture of the adorable little guy with all the slick moves, but I think taking pictures of other people's children and posting them on the internets might be frowned upon. Imagine a skinny, brunette three year old boy getting down with some squatting, Elaine like moves.

Imagine less kicking, more getting low.

In addition to inciting the adorable dance moves that came to an unfortunate end since it was past little man's bedtime, the band brought another of the evening's highlights when they brought birthday lady Maria on stage. To honor her birthday, they allowed her to play the COW BELL! And as I shouted in my mind, "MORE COW BELL!" the lead singer of the band also yelled "MORE COW BELL!" So, then I really screamed "MORE COW BELL!" Repeatedly.

he needs more cowbell!

I also tried to steal a baby. Well, not tried, but thought really seriously about. Why don't I have a baby?! My boo and I shared a tri-tip sandwich, a bacon wrapped hot dog, and Vegan Jamaican jerk & curry. What? Yes. We also had some lemonade and a funnel cake. The bacon wrapped hot dog included grilled onions, but apparently they get their name from the mere fact they touch the grill at some point. Under-grilled onions are not my favorite thing.

we're so full we became sepia colored!

I'll leave you with these. Enjoy.

teeheehee!

teeheehee again!

There's no sexy name for it or anything. We just call it Tuesday

Big ups to the ICE agent I took that quote from. How's the northern border treating you?! It's been too long. Let's catch up and play a round of golf.

There's not a lot to say about today. Today is Tuesday. Today I spent a lot of time listening to other people talk, which forced me to concentrate on the words coming out of their mouths rather than my own thoughts. As far as blogging, it kinda took the wind out of my sails.

However, I have two items that are sure to fascinate. First, the most important thing I did at work today was find this video clip of Cheri Oteri as Adele the Office Slut. Go watch it, now. Then let's talk about it, and reenact it together. Also know that interesting things appear when you google any phrase that includes "office slut," including an adorable picture of white baby tigers.

Oh I go both ways baby! Sure, is that what you're talkin about? Because this is what I'm talkin about! Oh yeah we could make a sandwich, with us as the bun and you as the hot dog! And by hot dog, I mean that dirty man-meat dangling betwixt your legs!

The most important thing* my dear friend Cristina did today was determine that once we all lose our jobs and go running for our lives as they try to burn the building down with us still inside, we'll need to find a way to get paid for reenacting SNL sketches.

Mention of Cristina brings me to my second item--women that are funnier and more fascinating than me! If you glance to the right of these words, you will see a list of Good Reads. They are good. Some are primarily good for the pretty pictures they include, and some are good for the words they say. However, two are good because they are funny, smart, and written by people I know!

First up, my most devoted blog follower, Cristina. via TheFrankensteinHouse.com

According to Cristina's blog, she lives in Los Angeles, likes a serif font, and just bought a Frankenstein house. According to me, she is incredibly funny, zany to the max, has a brain that thinks about and articulates things in amazing ways, is also a lot like me, and just bought a Frankenstein house. What is a Frankenstein house, you ask? Well, read The Frankenstein House and you will understand.

The next very funny woman is Elizabeth Greenwood.via elizabethgreenwood.wordspress.com

She is many things I am not, not the least of which is fascinating. She's so fascinating she is world renowned for her interesting and exciting life. Because she is smart, hilarious, incredibly good looking, and has a miniature donk (i.e., a small scale donk, not a lack of donk), you will be tempted to hate her. But you can't! Although physical location and the passage of time have distanced us since our days sunning our bootydos in Mexico, luckily I have the pleasure of reading her page and freelance work. You should too!

I wish I had a good way to end this, but I've got Juan Gabriel blaring through the boo's laptop speakers and he fancies himself one of Juan's background singers. Juan Gabriel doesn't HAVE background singers! He doesn't need them. Everybody knows that.

*Cristina may have actually accomplished something of value for the American taxpayers today, unlike me.